A Gift To Myself

I can hardly believe that Christmas is in 13 days. Wow.

This past weekend Olivia turned six and we took Aiden and Owen to their swim meet and they rocked it! I took a bunch of pictures on my new Windows Phone that I am trying out...

Olivia and I during her birthday lunch.

Christmas Day is also my birthday and as my birthday present to myself I am going to give myself permission to write again.

I started this blog when I was pregnant with Olivia over 6 years ago... and in that time I managed to get myself a few people who felt the need to analyze everything I wrote and inform me of the various ways I am doing EVERYTHING wrong... and eventually I let that get to me. It got to the point where those voices were already giving me "advice" and "constructive criticism" in my head before I would even start typing so I just stopped writing because I didn't want to hear it. It hurt too much.

Aiden with awesome hair after his first day of the swim meet.

Some people are amazingly strong. They are SO SO SO good at handling the criticism of others.

I am not one of those people.

I don't need everyone to like me ( I really really don't, and I am under no illusion that they do)... I just am not super good at having all my faults laid out for me in point form on a daily basis. I find that I am actually fairly aware of how completely imperfect I am without the having others point it out to me.

Many years ago I was on an internship type thing and I had a boss who basically told me all the ways I sucked. I believe that his goal was to spur me on to be a better person and "rise to the challenge". What I actually did was crawl into the fetal position and feel horrible about myself. For years.

Aiden and Doug on deck at the swim meet.
Tough? I am not.

I have never claimed to be. One of the many reasons why I would not do well in the army. Or sports. Or anywhere where people yell your faults at you in order to make you stronger and more determined.

Olivia and I watching the boys swim.

I just end up crying or yelling and ranting trying not to cry and THEN crying. It is not a pretty picture.

Anyway. The point is I was done putting myself out there for awhile.

Owen wearing antlers at Montana's during our "You guys did AWESOME" lunch.

But I have missed writing. And I have missed this space. A lot. Sharing a few pictures a week just isn't the same.

Aiden drawing a maze on the table paper at Montana's during our celebration lunch.

So when I got a particularly cruel email last week from a particularly judgemental person I realized that you just can't avoid it! So I might as well put on my big girl panties, deal with it, and just keep writing because I love it. And because the vast majority of you people are wonderful.

Olivia having fun with her antler's at Montana's during our post-swim meet lunch.
Also... did you know there is only 13 days until Christmas? I really should get on buying some Christmas presents soon.



mmichele said…
Beautiful! Keep writing!

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