I really love this kid...

Every time I take Aiden to see the pediatrician we are faced with more decisions about how to handle his Autism/ADHD. Today was no different. For months we have been struggling with decisions about medication for Aiden- what to put him on, what NOT to put him on, how much, when, etc. etc. etc..

The thing is medication pretty much saved my life while I was going through post partum depression and medication again saved my life when my thyroid completely failed. Medication has saved my children's lives numerous times when it comes to their asthma. I am definitely NOT anti-medication.

BUT I don't want to put Aiden on unnecessary meds. He is a great kid and I want to make his life as easy as possible. I want the meds to HELP him, not hurt him. Last year when we put Aiden on medication to control his aggression it changed our whole world for the better. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. We were desperate to find SOMETHING to help Aiden cope. And the medication did that. Beautifully. It didn't change his personality. It didn't turn him into a vegetable. It didn't make him perfect. But it DID make him less angry and less likely to injure himself and others. It completely altered our family life. We could concentrate on having FUN with each other instead of constantly trying to keep Aiden from freaking out and hurting someone.

We have always known that this medication is not a permanent fix. It really shouldn't be taken during puberty because it reduces the testosterone levels and we don't want to really screw the kid up. So basically we have 2, maybe 3 years and then we have to come up with alternatives. Because we can't go back to the way things were. And yes, we are doing non-medication things to help as well and will continue to do those things... but for us those things aren't enough.

Aiden struggles with anxiety and self-esteem issues. He struggles with peer relations. He struggles with authority. He struggles with focus. He just plain struggles. More than any kid should EVER have to struggle. It's just not right.

The pediatrician wants us to try a different med. It has been suggested to me numerous times over the past several months... but it is a hard decision for me. It really is. We had a terrible experience with one med for Aiden and I am fearful of a repeat. I wonder how much medication one little body can handle. But I also know that if this med DID work it would make his life significantly easier.

And so we think and pray and research and pray some more. This making decisions thing is hard... especially when it affects my first born boy.

Feel free to pray we make the right decision. :)


Connie Walsh said…
Your are such a good mom. I am all for praying on this one.

I wish I had my friend here to explain this to me again. I was going through a situation (moving) where there was no moral question, just a question of what God wanted me to do. I was tying myself in knots trying to come up with the will of God. My friend had an illustration, where she put a dot in a center of a paper and all of us are trying to follow his will by hitting the dot. When most times his will is the white paper, just avoid the dot.

If God doesn't lead you directly to one way or the other, both options are in his will.

Again you are a good mom. Hold onto that.
Dana Rexrode said…
Tara, I will be praying for you and for your kiddos (all 3 of them). We went through similar issues with Blaine (they wanted to medicate for ADD, we chose to homeschool instead) and Justin (they thought he might have ODD, etc, on top of his RAD). It was one of the most difficult decisions we have ever made as parents.

Remember as you struggle in this whole "parenting" thing that God sent Aiden, Owen and Olivia to you and your husband because YOU were the perfect parents for them. He knew about Aiden's struggles long before you did -- and He has big plans for a special child.

I will pray for you as you discern His will for your family.
Shoz said…
I am just glad that he is finally getting help and they are not blaming you for being a bad mom. You are a great mom and I know you will make the right choice... and if you make a choice and find that maybe it was not a good idea, you can always change your mind down the road! Meds are never an exact science but as you said they can really improve your standard of life if you give it a chance.
I will be praying. How is Liv doing with her teeth?
Love ya!!
Anonymous said…
homeschooling helped with my son too. If you have a child that has trouble controlling internal things like speed, volume,feelings,etc and or has sensory intergration issues,the school system can be like hell for them. they they need a certain amount of time to rest from the distortions they experience. also clean out his gut, jenny mccarthy and jim carrey are a great place for information for that, they cleanned their sons gut and his autism symptoms went away, only returning when he was sick. They are good middle liners, they do believe vaccines and toxins caused his autism, but they still believe in vaccines, just not 36 shots that they are given now. (as kids we would have recieved 10) I pray for you that you will really consider homeschooling, I run across too many parents these days who waited until grade 3 or 4 and then they have to homeschool because of the child now has alot of emotional issues. It makes me angry that all the options for these kids and understanding them is not known, it is not out there enough and doctors have no clue about them. I pray you will be contact with someone who has gone before you with their kid and is able to come along side you and help you to feel not only good as a mother, but show you all the things available to help your son. alyssa
Linda said…
Wow, you have a lot on your plate. Will be praying for you.
My sister went through all that and severe anger in her second child. He's now on Prozac and doing wonderful. He's only 12 and he finally got his stuff under control.
She has a third child they are still contending with, so we keep him in our prayers. Her oldest is ok. So I understand somewhat what you are going through. God is faithful. He'll see you through.
Nancy said…
I will certainly keep Aiden and your family in my prayers.

All best wishes,

allibrary (at) aol (dot) com
Bcteagirl said…
I can see where you are coming from.. medication can help a lot! And at a time where a child is developing socially etc, you want them to be able to concentrate on that without having to deal with as much else... so medication can help on so many fronts! I don't envy the types of decisions you are and will be making.

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