dose of reality

You know how some mornings you wake up and you are ok with the day?

Today was not one of those mornings for me.

I woke up worrying... sure it SEEMED like it was our ridiculous feline's obnoxious scratching and meowing at our bedroom window and my middle child's peeing of the bed and my daughter's refusal to allow me to continue sleeping... but really it was the worrying.

Several thoughts exploded in my mind upon waking...

1. I hate that cat
2. my children are never going to be out of diapers/pull ups/night time underpants. Ever.
3. Olivia is never going to sleep by herself. Ever.
4. We have to move. Crap.
5. My Aunt & Uncle arrive in 3 days... the house is not ready. Crap.
6. What day is it?
7. What time is it?
8. Is there any possibility of going back to sleep?
9. I need some strong tea. Or an IV of caffeine.
10. I should start packing.
11. I hate packing.
12. I really hope God has a good place for us to live in store.
13. BEFORE heaven I mean. I'm sure He's got a lovely place all mapped out in Heaven but I am hoping for something a little sooner than that. Like next month. Even though it is totally not fair that we get to live in a nice place while most of the world lives in heinous conditions. Of course I'm sure most of them don't have to live in a place that has snow for 8 months of the year and temperatures reach -40 on a regular basis. A cardboard box-house would be very impractical for us right now. Good thing we still have our tent trailer. We've lived in that thing before. We could do it again. Not.
14. What are the odds that it won't rain today?
15. I forgot to put another load of laundry in.
16. I really need to get a guest room together for my Aunt & Uncle.
17. I guess instead of cleaning I could just start throwing stuff in boxes. Not too practical for AFTER the move but seems like a good plan for now.
18. Why are people already whining at me?
19. I should have gone to bed earlier last night. Except Olivia wouldn't let me. She is going to be two forever.
20. I'm too tired for all this thinking.

And then I got up.

So here I sit trying to remind myself that God is, in fact, in control and does actually want to give us GOOD things. I kind of have a "yep, it's going to suck because God is trying to teach me something that I am failing to learn yet again" pessimism going on these days. Yes. I DO tend to lean towards the mellow dramatic negativity thing. I can't entirely help it because honestly? Most of the time? Optimism drives me nuts. It just seems so unrealistic. And fake. And superficial. And delusional. And it makes my stomach clench.

No. I am not making that up.

Aren't I a lovely piece of work this morning?

I'm sure I will feel a lot more positive... or at least less morbid... about life in a few hours.

I think I'll go escape into a good book for awhile. Nothing like reading about other people's problems to remember mine really aren't that bad. Good ol' perspective.


Carrie said…
I'm glad you're taking a break to read- you have so much going on and clearly need some downtime! Hope things start coming together and working out soon..
Queenie Jeannie said…

I have been where you are at this moment. You survive it. It gets better. They DO grow up. They DO get potty trained. They DO sleep through the night. Really.

I wouldn't bullshit you, lol!!
(((Hugs!))) I pray that you find a new home soon! We almost lost our house last year, so I know what you must be feeling. I'm sorry :(

On a happy note - here's the link to your interview on An Island Review:

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