stupid dumb


what can I say about my day today...



It started off ok though. The kids did great during their swimming lessons this morning. Everyone ate a decent lunch. Olivia had a nap.

But at 2 pm it started a rapid decline.

2 pm was the time Aiden and I walked into the mental health office for his assessment meeting. I left my poor husband with Olivia hysterical and Owen sobbing because I was leaving them behind. We drive the two minutes to the mental health office and as we are walking in the door my son begins acting up. We met with a very nice social worker who had the super fun job of trying to figure out where, if anywhere, to send my son next to get him some help.

Aiden acted like he typically does in uncomfortable situations... dreadfully. He refused to sit in the chair. He refused to answer the social worker's questions. He refused to draw the picture of our family that she asked him to draw. He got incredibly goofy and said the word "bum" about a hundred times and proceeded to spank himself and laugh hysterically. He rolled on the floor and pretended to be a snake. He called me names. He even LICKED the poor woman's window. Nice.

We had been there less than 20 minutes and she said "well, I definitely think you are on the right track in trying to get your son some help".

ya. thanks. I knew that. I've only been trying for the past 2 years to get someone to listen to me.

Then she told me she thinks Aiden might have Asperger's Syndrome.

So she told me she wants my son to see a child psychiatrist in the city (3 hours away). But in order to do that we need a referral from our family doctor. So she wrote down the name of the psychiatrist she wants us to see and we left the meeting.

I got home and called our family physician and asked her for the referral.

She said no.

She is instead going to refer us to a pediatrician in a different city. Which could take several weeks to get into. Then if he thinks it is necessary he will refer us to the psychiatrist of his choosing. And THAT of course will take several months.


So I called the social worker back to tell her that her plans had been foiled. I'm sure she'll enjoy getting that voice mail tomorrow morning.

The crazy part of all of this is that if ANYONE had listened to me YEARS ago we could have been DONE all of this. But no.

And that is only ONE of the super crappy things that happened today.

That'll teach me for getting out of bed in the morning.


So sorry about your lousy day. I will be praying that someone can speed up this process for you to figure out what Aiden needs.
Heather H said…
Big hugs, I hope tomorrow is better.
Elle said…
What a lousy day! Talk about stressful. Hope tomorrow is better.

Amanda Daybyday said…
You win...your day was worse than mine!

Health professionals don't listen to parents enough. They all think we're just worry wart know nothings that don't know the first thing about parenting or human nature. Or at least that seems to be what I've observed.

I hope the process goes faster than slower. You should see if SK has something like Alberta does that'll pay some $$ to help with travel expenses. It hasn't covered everything for us, but it's nice to have a bit of help. Ask your social worker...she should know.
ChristiS said…
oh, Tara. I am so so sorry that the afternoon went so wrong. I was worrying about you, and have been praying for you since you twittered a couple of hours ago. I am sorry that no one listened to you years ago when you, as his mother, knew him best and that something wasn't right. I hate that you are getting the run-around still.
Was this the only time that this social worker has seen Aiden? Cause it seems like a pretty big jump to go to Asperger's in one meeting. I'm no expert on it, but I have taught students with it. I'm here if you want to talk further, and will gladly meet up somewhere with ya online to chat if you wish! Please try to hold your chin up, girl, cause YOU are the one doing right by your child. My prayers are with you!
I am so sorry for this day. And I am so sorry nobody has listened to you up to now. I will pray that God brings you to the right specialist who will show you what you need to do that is best for your son.

I have been where you are. I have heard 6 different diagnoses. I do not know which one is correct. But I trust God is showing me the best interventions for my son. He holds him in His hands. I do not.


Mekhismom said…
Sorry that you had such a crappy day. I find it hard to believe that your physician said no. Perhaps it is time for a new one.
Amanda said…
I'll be praying for you guys through this. Maybe the social worker will be able to get you guys connected to the right useful people.

Through my depressions God has always shown that He is there. Of course he has plans to prosper you and not to harm you! But this may be hard to see in the midst of the trials. My life verse is 2Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is suffiecient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Hope this encourages through the hard times.
Remember God blesses his children, maybe not how we would like it to go necessarily.
Go back to bed, rest and then ATTACK! You know what's best for your son and now you have someone on your side. I hope things brighten up!
JenniBeanV said…
Ughhhh! {{{{Tara}}}} Why would your ped say no? That is VERY annoying! Can you call back and be more insistent?

I hope your Friday is wonderful!
Anonymous said…
These situations seem to snowball.
1) clock time appointments are not natural to childlren, which Aiden, Owen and Olivia were probably communicating
2) going to a professional's space is scary to children, unless it is a playroom and the child is talked to respectfully and made comfortable by every person there -first times in new places tax our security system, especially young children, this is ancient biology
3) meeting new adults takes a lot of a child's energy, especially if that adult has a career persona to maintain during the interaction
4) talking about children in front of them is a delicate art, probably better than having them know we are talking about them when they can't hear or understand
5) even pets slink around when a health challenge or some other factor, a tone or a look of concern, diminishes the sparkle they receive - "not good enough" seems to be the major internal dialog we all struggle with, starting early. Early Childhood Educators are told to catch children doing something right in the ratio of 10 to one for every correction or limit or request. Tall order but it reminds us of the child view. We ARE OK, liked, wanted; some of our actions are not wise choices. and beginners may need an ally to restore peace and trust. 10 minutes of loving encouragement to work on what can undo undesirable outcomes can bring success, reconnection with everyone, and erase embarassment.

Perhaps one factor here is to have tools by which you and your whole family evaluate how well a consultant matches your situation.
Maybe starting from poetry, beliefs, your best family stories of Aiden's creativity and his tender expressions in relationships can provide a foundation from which you create concrete goals and expectations OF YOUR CONSULTANTS. When we go for a job interview, we are encouraged to have revealing questions ready to ask of the interviewer. If you are spending extra energy to get listened to, that person's beliefs and comfort zone are likely in the way and may stay in the way.

Since travel is an issue, especially in winter, is not technology an option to reduce stress on the family? If Aiden has to travel to be seen by consultants and to be tested, wouldn't that radically affect results? Unless professionals are thinking along these lines, how can they assist the whole person that Aiden is?

Your family will always be the ones deeply experienced about each other.

Mine is just another view, only use what resonates with your own life experience.

Much love, G. on the coast
Rachel said…
Aww -- I am soo sorry that your day ended this way. And, I'm sorry that your ped. wouldn't give the referral. I'll be praying for you and your family!

Anonymous said…
you're one of the best listeners, and the best thinkers I know... I wish your quacks did the same for you.
love you.
T in the Cap.
Sarah said…

My prayer goes something like this:

"G-d please give this woman exactly what she needs for her family and her sanity RIGHT NOW! (Pretty Please?)"

Sounds holier when you say it in Hebrew :)

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