The workings of a strange mind

My friend Reanne came over for a visit today. It was very nice to see her. Her family moved away before Christmas after her daughter Jadyn died. They are in town visiting her folks this week. The kids were SO excited to see each other again.

Here is a group shot of our brood...Our kids are all VERY close in age. My Aiden and her Shyla were in kindergarten together. My Owen and her Kylie were in pre-kindergarten together and my Olivia and her Jonathyn are only 2 months apart in age. Even our lost babies were the same age- I had my fourth miscarriage while she was pregnant with her Jadyn. So if my pregnancy had lasted I would have had a baby within a couple weeks of her Jadyn being born. Now both are in heaven with Jesus. All that to say we have a fair bit in common.

Here is a shot of Reanne and I...
No one seems to notice but my I got my mom to cut about 6 or 7 inches off of my hair yesterday. It was driving me crazy. But I suppose if you always keep your hair in a ponytail no one is going to notice when half of it is gone.

In other news...

I am exhausted but I can't sleep.

All three of my children are asleep.

I am not.

This happens to me sometimes when I think too much. I lie down to go to sleep and can't shut my ridiculous brain off. Then I end up spiralling down some miserable mind path and that doesn't help anyone.

So I got up to attempt to catch up on my google-reader. For those of you who don't know what google-reader is it keeps track of the blogs you subscribe to and notifies you when they post something new. That way you don't have to keep checking back every five minutes to see if someone has posted something new. It just shows up in your google reader when they do. Very handy.

Anyway, now I am done catching up on blogs and my brain still hasn't mellowed out. I don't know what is going on with me these days. My body is rebelling against me... as though it wasn't screwed up enough before. Now I have these moments where I get all shaky and weak and feel like passing out.

Yes. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday. That was the soonest I could get it.

But it is more than just physical shaking... its like emotional shakiness too. I really don't know how to describe it. It reminds me a bit of the panic attacks I used to have when my son Owen was an infant and Aiden was 18 months old. Except I don't feel panicky with these. Just sort of ... weird.

Good description eh?

Olivia has some new tricks that are very cute. She has learned to colour...
She has learned to draw on a chalk board...
And she really enjoys turning around in circles. It is very cute to watch. She has started calling my mom bama which absolutely thrills my mom. Owen used to call her damma which was pretty funny. I think she prefers bama.

I think I have emptied my brain enough to try for some sleep again. Sweet dreams everyone.


Unknown said…
Oh, I hear ya on the not sleeping thing. Blah. Exhausted. Need to sleep. But can. And lying in bed just does more damage. That's half my life. Drives me crazy.

I hope you're able to sleep soon (or are now).
You're not going crazy, it sounds like thyroid Tara. Do they have you on meds for it? Don't forget to write these things down to mention to the Dr....not that it mattered with my Dr :-{
Hope you're sleeping soon!
Judy said…
I've often wished for a 'hat stand' to place my brain on when I go to bed.
I get the weak and shaky feeling too. I've been tested for thyroid, but nothing wrong there. Good luck with your appointment.
Anonymous said…
Did you ever take that quiz I sent you?
the Haazens :) said…
Wow...I can't even begin to fathom what it would be like to lose a child like that. Very cool that you two have so much in common and can be there for each other.

I was just checking in as I have been a very lame blogger as of late, and wanted to say HI and that I *heart* your new blog skin! It's so purdy!!

Anyway, I hope you get some sleep soon, I hope I get some sleep soon. I pretty much have come to terms with the fact that I will never sleep again...and then when I do get a good night I'm really thankful!

Tanneal =)

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